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Post by mh on May 20, 2014 18:56:10 GMT -6
"oh crap, what the hell is that psychotic clone s.o.b. up to now?" asks babu.
"well," says kenny, grabbing babu's arm, "it's easier if i done show you."
having gone thru every other clerk on the ship, mh walks up to a guy and says, "i have a complaint!"
"yeth, thir! how may i be of servth?" says the clerk.
grabbing a comment card, and shoving a hand over his mouth to suppress his laughter, mh says, "i have a complaint about the cabin boy! the cabin boy -- the cabin boy -- he's a dirty little nipper!"
"no!" cries kenny, "mh, yer the one who is done a dirty littler nipper! yer gonna done get the cabin boy in trouble! mh has done complained over & over! he made one old lady scream and get off in the ship puerto vallarta!"
"kenny, "begins babu rolling his eyes, "i don't think these ships even have cabin boys anymore ... "
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Post by mh on May 20, 2014 19:02:51 GMT -6
"wait, " says the clerk, starring at mh evenly, "are you going to thay, 'he filled his ass with broken glass and circumcised the skipper?'
not to be out outdone, mh proclaims, "yes! that exactly what happened!"
suddenly a small red-haired guy with 'cabin boy' on his lapel stalks up. "who the heck keeps talking smack about me?!!" |
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 21, 2014 13:23:57 GMT -6
"MH, what are you doing?" Babu sighs as he walks up to the group.
"This big joker is trying to slur my good name!" the cabin boy squeaks.
"Look, if a pathenger hath a complaint, I have to..." the clerk starts.
"I did not fill my ass with broken glass!" the cabin boy shouts, jumping up and down.
"Ha" MH exclaims, "but you're not denying you circumcised the skipper!"
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Post by mh on May 21, 2014 19:55:12 GMT -6
the cabin boy grabs the pile of complaints, and sees the name 'drivaan' is on every one.
"so yer the one who started this!" cries 'the cabin boy', noticing driv's name tag.
*************
"well shoot," i had to put somebody's name on them," rasps mh, at the bowl-orama.
*************
"meanwhile back on the ship!" cries the albino bowler, "drivaan awoke to find an o'timey cannon pointed at his head! and the cabin boy lit the fuse! now get on the damn hell conveyer belt!"
"wrong!" cries baboon. "all that happened exactly like you said -- but two years ago! drivaan wasn't even a member yet! and it turned out, all of jenna Jameson's shoes disappeared! and after searching all the cabins, the monkey alliance found them in the cabin boy's cabin! just as he was ... well, uh, ... was about use them to pleasure himself!"
"mh was right!" cries buddy, coming out of his stupor. "that cabin boy was done a dirty little nipper! i'll never done doubt mh again."
"and afterward," continues baboon, his eyes glazing over, " jenna jameson sure was ... grateful. wow, she sure was some kind of grateful! damn, was she ever grateful! so grateful..... she sure must have REALLY liked them shoes! durn, whatever happens on a jenna jameson cruise, stays on a jenna jameson cruise. g-d, she was crazy grateful."
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 22, 2014 12:29:44 GMT -6
The Albino Bowler's image flickers to the Crimson Mullet and then back again. "We've got him on the ropes," Drivtaan says under his breath.
Suddenly, a wicked gleam comes into the Albino Bowler/Crimson Mullet's eyes. "Yes, Jenna Jameson was crazy grateful. ...And now you all have hepatitis C!!!"
"Gaaahhh!!!" the Monkey Alliance all scream at once.
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Post by mh on May 22, 2014 19:44:57 GMT -6
"that's just a damn internet rumor!" screams babu. and, enraged, he punches the albino bowler.
and mh, watching babu's back as usual, shakes up a michelob, and pops the cap.spraying it into the bowler's face. suddenly, they can all see he is the crimson mullet.
"dammit!" cries the mullet. "betrayed by my favorite beer! michelob! fine, jenna and you guys do not have hepatitis C! except for maybe mh! you did have a thing with special guest hostess naomi judd!"
"dammit!" cries mh. "redheads are my downfall! and if conway twitty hit that, i'm gonna hit that!"
"omg," sighs babu, "mh, your degradation knows no boundaries."
"sh-t!" cries the mullet. "jerks! my plan was perfect!"
"hah! but at least i destroyed doc quantum's bowl-a-rama in the process! you all drank so much beer and ate so much food, his bowl-a-rama will never recover! he and his other investors are thousands of dollars in the hole!"
"noooooooooo!" cries doc quantum. |
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Post by mh on May 23, 2014 20:31:27 GMT -6
"so you were going to shove us into an old crematorium?" snarls babu.
"hey -- it would be a respectful and humane death!" exclaims the mullet. "better than you deserve! yer all obviously going to hell anyways! you bunch of self-important alcoholic, monkey pervs!"
"well," says kenny, "where yer done a going mullet, you might want to really fill yer ass with broken glass!"
"hah! good one kenny!" exclaims drivaan.
"shut up!" cries the crimson mullet, and he jumps into a hidden escape water slide.
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 24, 2014 8:45:25 GMT -6
"I'm ruined!" Doc exclaims.
"You need to done quit making these crazy investments," Kenny says. "This is like when you done bought into that Zima distributorship."
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 24, 2014 18:39:05 GMT -6
"There's no time to dwell on it now," Babu says. "The Crimson Mullet is escaping. With that, he shoves Doc down the water slide.
"Wait, Babu," MH says. "We don't know... aaaaiiigh!" MH continues to scream as he plummets down the water slide.
"Don't bother," Drivtaan says, jumping down the water slide on his own.
"Alright! It's done gotten to be our turn, Buddy!" Kenny says excitedly as they jump in and start to slide. Babu jumps in behind them.
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Post by mh on May 27, 2014 21:17:10 GMT -6
"wheeee!! is sure is done dark in here, "cries Kenny.
"i see the mullet, "exclaims babu, "he's just ahead!"
"if we done bend into a pyramid shape, it'll done make us more aerodynamic." says buddy.
"okay, yer the science guys, "says babu, leaning against the two to form a perfect pyramid. "here we come mullet!" |
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Post by Babu Baboon on May 31, 2014 11:41:42 GMT -6
Babu, Kenny, and Buddy start flying down the slide and slam into the Crimson Mullet, wich actually sends him racing down faster. THey all land ina pool at the end of a waterslide. When their vision clears, they realize they are at Sploosh Mountain, Justice City's most popular (and only) water park. THey have actually somehow come out of the ride, "Tropic Thunder".
"There he is!" Kenny says, pointing to the Crimson Mullet, who is climbing out of the pool. "He's done getting away!"
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Post by mh on Jun 3, 2014 22:58:31 GMT -6
"he's vanished!" exclaims doc quantum, as they push thru the crowd and get to the end of the slide.
a guy in a uniform staggers up and says, "hey! monkey alliance! somebody just stole my truck!"
"ha!" cries the crimson mullet as he heads down route 8 in a semi, wearing a michelob trucker's cap.
"michelob, I'm sorry i ever doubted you! now to dial in some 80's music. yes, devo!"
and he begins sucking one down. "ahhhh ... sweet ambrosia."
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Post by mh on Jun 5, 2014 0:48:29 GMT -6
"we need a vehicle!" exclaims babu. "i'm too buzzed from all that drinking to fly!"
3 minutes later, as they begin to assume all is lost, a semi drives up beside them with Kenny and buddy inside.
"we found this at the junkyard across the street!" exclaims Kenny. "i'm sorry we done took so long, but we had to done rebuild the transmission."
"you rebuilt the transmission in 3 minutes?" exclaims doc quantum.
"yeah," says buddy, "i had too many burritos, and needed to go number two, or we'd be done sooner."
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Post by mh on Jun 5, 2014 1:00:59 GMT -6
as they're wheeling down route 8 in what turns out to be an old lowenbru truck with kenny behind the wheel, doc says, " according to this breathalyzer, kenny is as sober as a quaker!"
that's because 'the albino bowler' kept him drinking the micholob, "exclaims babu, "the way he metabolizes alcohol, to him that stuff's like water! it's been ... years since he's gone this long without constant ingestion of malt liquer."
"i can only done see one of everything," says kenny, sounding a bit jittery. "how do yall done live liek this?"
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Post by Babu Baboon on Jul 6, 2014 16:06:30 GMT -6
"You're losing him, Kenny!" Babu exclaims.
"That's 'cause I ain't driven sober in years!" Kenny says.
"Quick! We've got to get some alcohol in this man!" Doc says.
"There's an old beer bong in the glove box," Drivtaan says.
"I'm not even going to ask why some truck driver had a beer funnel in his glove box," MH says.
"Luckily, this truck was still stocked," Doc says.
"Then everybody crack one open and let's get this hillbilly plastered," Babu says.
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